Recognizing and accepting that a relationship needs to end will allow you to free yourself and lessen the pain.
We have all kinds of relationships. Generally when we speak about ‘relationship’, our minds usually go straight to the romantic kind. We have multiple types of relationships, just as we have multiple types of love and friendship. We have relationships with our parents, siblings, friends, neighbors, co-workers (just to name a few) as well the romantic kind of girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, spouse or partner.
In this blog, we are addressing all the different types of relationships we have in our lives. Let your intuition, your heart tell you which one needs the most attention right now. It could be a romantic partner, one of your children, siblings, friend, or even your boss/coworker.
A good relationship will impact your life in a positive way. It will feel healthy and satisfying. It uplifts you in ways you didn’t imagine and helps you grow to your better self. A ‘toxic’ or unhealthy relationship will leave you feeling stressed out, defensive, insecure, and drained. This is an imbalanced relationship that affects your health and well-being in a negative way. It harms your energetic body, stunts your personal growth, and makes you ill on different levels – mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Why do we maintain relationships that are unhealthy and painful?
Maybe you feel obligated – you made a promise, an agreement. For instance, you started a project or business with someone and now you realize that your business partner is making unwise decisions. You have tried on several occasions to correct the missteps but this person continues to put the business at risk.
Or maybe your spouse or romantic partner is abusive on some level – physically, emotionally, psychologically. Do you stay in the relationship thinking this person will change? They won’t. Do you feel you need to stay for the kids? They already know things aren’t right. Kids are smart.
The person you are ‘exclusive’ with will ghost you frequently or shows other forms of disrespect.
The parent or sibling who is so codependent on you that you feel like the life is being sucked out of you or you feel smothered and unable to express yourself.
So, again, why do we maintain these toxic relationships?
Look closely at yourself. Here are some of the most frequent reasons I hear. We maintain these relationships because:
- the other person ‘needs’ me
- afraid of hurting the other person
- hoping they will change
- they ‘say’ they love and care about me
- I feel insecure – I don’t want to be alone
- afraid of not finding new relationships
- I might lose my job
- what would others think
Ask yourself, “what am I getting out of this relationship – warts and all?” Ask yourself what your really want from the relationship.
Are you the one who has a need to feel wanted and needed? Does it give you a sense of power or control in some way? Are you afraid to be alone so you hang onto what you have? Do you feel like you are not good enough or deserving enough to have a healthy, fulfilling life either by yourself or in new relationships?
Every relationship has its ups and downs. If you have already spent time and energy attempting to communicate with the other person and fix the problem, but it’s no better or even worse, then maybe it’s time to cut the cord and sever the connection. Have you already thought about doing this? Have you felt the bonds between you have weakened to the point they will break? Does this other person sincerely consider your feelings and show you respect?
Be honest with yourself with your answers even if the answers are painful. The answers need to come from your heart, your intuitive voice, your feelings – not the logical mind. If you get up in your head and all the swimming thoughts, you’ll get stuck there and trend water in fear, pain, and confusion. What are the answers from the little voice inside your heart screaming to be heard?
Healthy vibrant relationships thrive on genuine communication, honesty, mutual love, and respect. How much time you spend together is important as well. You can spend time together in person, on the phone, FaceTime, text, email, etc. It shows that you acknowledge the other person. That you value them and the relationship. It doesn’t have to be a long period of time, even a short text helps build the bond. It also is a good indicator of the health of the relationship. Personally, I have friends who I exchange an emoji every day just to say ‘Hope your day is going well and I’m ok too”. If there’s something more needed to be express we’ll call or text.
After you have asked the questions and have given yourself honest answers, you need to decide if this ailing relationship is worth it. If it’s not, it’s time to let it go. It’s better to let the relationship go than to hold on and let the feelings of anger, disappointment, resentment, or betrayal eat away at you making you feel toxic and more unhealthy.
Moving on may come easy or it may come with struggle. It will always be better for you to get rid of toxic people and let your own unique vibrant Self power up and light your way to more nurturing, joyful relationships in the future.